The saying theres someone for everybody is crap. Theyre frightening and dont respect boundaries. The reality is that most people can only tolerate a certain amount of closeness. Seems to me their DEFENSES are on strong, and it reminded me how set in our ways (comfort zones) so many of us are. Join clubs where you meet other middle-aged people. I grew up in Boston and even sometimes that affects me from dating guys. Gaming, fantasy RPG board games, sci-fi, anime, etc. Stop being so judgemental! I recently got a boxer (dog) and she is a great companion. Im not desperate and in fact, Im picky about who I want to be with. I mean, there are some meetups and volunteer events, but those with any reasonable turnout are few and far between. When the summer approached, her parents would let come over, visit and spend time with her. Yep, typical Indian male mentality mindset. All i can say is that real love came many years ago since it wasnt really hard at all to find at that time. And i am sure a lot of the other men and women out there would certainly agree with me too. its tough living in the western world being Indian. Sure women have the pressure of having to look pretty and all, but men have the pressure of both looking good and having to do the asking. My problem is overall that I do not want to be in a relationship. Lol this is what happens when you wake up in the middle of the night with your mind racing and once you get to rolling, you trip over yourself. we are not desirable looking men and for most women looks are what attracts them to men in the beginning. Some people are single for years because of unwanted outsiders always melding and pro-shaping their life with out that single person even knowing. There has never been any evidence that a woman has any sexual interest in me at all. Other than it being kind of lonely I have a good life and I dont want to rock the boat. She held a burning contempt for me for the last ten years as I desperately tried to find a way to make her happy, or at least appeased. If you practice enough, flirting can become one of your most treasured pastimes. that would be a different story now. Also, I am less motivated to find someone as I get older because just as I am getting more unattractive with age, so are all the middle aged women. Couldnt have said it any better. I am particularly attracted to white women (blond hair, blue eyes, or black hair, brown eyes). Many women start to have thoughts like, There are no decent men out there or All the good ones are taken. Men may have thoughts like, You cant trust a women or Women are all out to take advantage of you. We may have unrealistic expectations for a partner or pinpoint weaknesses from the moment we meet someone. I just dont want it. I am 42 and widowed for almost 4 years by now. Or should I not trust my gut of doing the right thing by focusing on myself, growing as a woman even if that means staying home the whole weekend? Definitely not. relationship is a crazy scary thing. Other people think they will vanish or self-combust if they are not in a relationship, and will try to be in one no matter what the cost is. So, Im pretty late to the party And a little young. I would be happy to go out and try to meet people, but when you get disappointed with the poor turnout (in terms of number, quality, and/or gender ratio of people) or lack of genuine human interaction, it just feels like punishment with no upside, and eventually I just stop. I am not gay) Just the thought of finding someone, to settle down, to have a family never crosses my mind. I guess you tried confiding in a trusted friend or family member? Cheer up! Some people might actually be destined to be single, but just dont know it yet! Well said Erin! That's right, my husband was 'so good' with our son. Yeah, plenty of these women nowadays have their very high expectations and standards now. You Compare New Potential Partners To Your Ex 6. I began to think i was aromantic or asexual and that maye i was better off with just friends. I thank them for trying to make me feel good, but tell them I never see any evidence that a woman actually sees me as sexually attractive. But these people really dont wonder about such topics and probably wont read this article. Is this content copied from here or they copied from your site ? Because I have a huge heart, some men tend to take advantage of that. Taking my own time to look for the right dating site, I came across this very intelligent article. There are genuine men out there .I am one of them .I have been cheated on an decieved several times .That makes me distrusting of woman but i know i willmeet someone whom will value my love and love me back someday ..you are a strong woman dont give up on all men . There are really No good places to go anymore since they had single clubs other than the bar scene without drinking, and they had a lot of church dance for singles too. I did the necessary work to have him enter my life. yeah I wasnt ready maybe 2 years ago but now I am in my 30s I am ready to have a partner, ready to have sex ow yeah Im craving for it,I only had it twice in my life when I was 27 years old,ready to have a child. Personally, I find it difficult to relate to most people in general. Best articles and all comments are very interesting I am a single mom of 17yrs old boy, raising son is an adventure for me I guess thats why I am still single. One reader posted that all the good ones are taken, this is true because those men have lives in order and want to move to the next phase. Earning my PhD is simply more important to me than marriage. Not a single one. These guys out here are worthless ASF period. Divorced, 3 kids its been a time of some serious introspection. I had all those excuses (and more) when I was single, and stubborn, and picky and (I thought) happily single. The men she was drawn to instead tended to be unreliable and emotionally distant. Yet as both men and women get more comfortable, be it financially or practically, it is also easier for them to form a bubble from which it is difficult to emerge. adoptee I can sympathize with your frustration. It suggests there is something wrong with being single, something the single person has to answer for, and the. I became a part of that bunch too. Currently unemployed, I cant even imagine being in a relationship. I believe people in general suck doesnt matter male or female, I keep busy, travel, spend time with my dog and rent from my parents since we live in a triple decker. I feel like any relationship I could have been will be highly encourage by my peers and society and the truth is, its hard to feel love when all I feel is pressure to be with someone 100% of the time. Singleness is a gift from God. Some people say its because Im balding, but I dont want to think women can be so superficial. We liked each other, but there was no love. She loves me unconditionally, wants to hang out with me, waits by the door for me to come home when I am out of the house, and cannot access my bank account. Be careful what you wish for and passionate about what you already possess and you will shine for all to witness! Not like I wrote down Im some kind of fraud, but maybe it was when they asked why my last relationship ended and then I said I never had been in one. I like the idea of being in love and having a relationship, but the theory is different from reality. if people do not come to ask you some stupid questions your life would be great but unfortunately wwe people get all these questions an 9 hours having to listen to them is no joke its not my fault i am single, it happened to be like that, when i was a teenager and at school /college i had friends, and i used to go out wit my best friend and hanged out with her during late evenings until she found her man, then i decieded to join a youthfellowship, found friends did the same, but found their significant other and you know when they find their mate they leave youthis is the circle of life, people seek friends when they have found their hubby they stop seeing friends.and see only few at my age are still in the friends stage.. i would be happy alone but i would like to have friends to goout to party with. 8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single What are the internal challenges that keep you single? NIGHT OF OPEN HEAVEN || DAY 63 [100 DAYS FASTING & PRAYER] 21TH JULY, 2023 STAY CONNECTED AND BE BLESSED #zionprayermovementoutreach #zpmom. Most people wont even respond to a simple good morning these days! It took a couple of years before I felt over that or him. Jobs and education fall into a ring below such self-actualizing activities as love, spirituality, etc. Being attracted to a gorgeous man or woman is not fake at all. Can you feel me? If u r a lady and u have someone whos serious,hold on to them and appreciate. I am 53 now and I look back and see clearly how I passed up trying and being open to finding a husband and father for the children I wanted and the family life I wanted. Fear for even a slight criticism. They can lead us to act with less sincerity and authenticity, to close ourselves off from how we feel. Neediness works just they way you described it. Well that certainly explains why our parents, grandparent, aunts and uncles had it much easier at the time, and many of them are still together as i speak. If there are blockages most of the time they are unconscious, if they were conscious and evident most of us would have healed them already no? One very good reason many middle aged men are cynical and jaded about relationships is the financial ruin that many go through after their partner files for divorce. Start journaling to let your anger out. By the I mean my parents abused me mentally, emotionally, and financially to the point to where I cant even get aroused for my possible significant other due to my mother being an exibitionist (Im not even going to go into detail with that because Im sure what most of you see where I am going. Love is mostly hormones, I believe, but true friendship that can be real and resonating. And for some people love means something else, like their career, and till the end they are just happy that way. For the men who replied saying they are good guys but think they are unattractive, you can change that. Sometimes they feel that . My son is now in university and a full scholar of our city government man for me is the root of every problem in relationship. The needier the man seems to be, the more he is smitten by the girl/woman. We should try new activities and even try dating diverse people as a means to discover new parts of ourselves and what makes us happy. Its a lie. Being lonely isnt fun guy. I know my issues and that isnt one of them. Most people have been hurt in interpersonal relationships. Constant effort. Then he gave me a weight problem and a metabolism that makes it impossible for me to lose any weight and somehow, maybe become even a tiny bit attractive to women. Still, would love to be able to have a cool girlfriend without getting stupid and too involved again, which would cause me to lose myself again. Not long ago during a fight he told me i was the most selfish person he had ever met. I dont see anyone trying to play matchmaker these days. Relationships is about what you both can give into the relationship (dont go for 50/50, go 100/100 for each other). Thanks. (I learned more about myself from this one article than countless sessions from a couple of unhelpful therapists.). i wish i find my girl i mean my love for ever I have met affluent, educated people without a shred of social grace. I lived 14 years away from my mum and when circumstances forced me to go back and look after I intended it would be for about 2 years however circumstances for varies reasons made feel obliged to stay. I didnt talk to anyone how would I know. All the loneliness in the world is far more preferable to me than the wreck. Love just doesnt find every person. I know they say nobody is broken and people are not damaged goods but I gotta say. But I do not see this happening any time soon. This Is Why I'm Single (2022) by Your Favorite Martian (featuring Shuba and Cartoon Wax)Vocals:Ray William JohnsonStefan JohnsonShubaWaxMusic Written by:Ray . But it is so so hard at times. My friends dont see me as being this damaged, but then again, they see me once a month (!) However, I always get turned down on dates from single woman (whether they be from work, grocery store, online, etc) because I am not good looking, somewhat chubby, and balding. No decent man wants a woman with kids. Anyways, thanks for the reply. I hate being mixedit means you cant ever find a decent man, just ghetto trash looking to use you to climb out of their situation or old men who had the hours for young Pam Grier in the 70s. For me i really do not think this is me ,the men i do meet don,t have,,apartments, cars much money they eant to live off me these are the men that approach me ,i recently met a man that lied oh yes they lie and say their single ,they beg me for sex, money ,wanting to move with me they are no men who does thati am so tried of what is going on ,they never have money or car i fo not want anyti7. Let attraction reign for partnerships. They all wanted me to change, give up what I had built and stay home to cook and clean for them. So Im 15 ok and I have been single my whole life. I was married for over 40 years and got divorced last year. This article really hit home for me. I just dont FEEL attracted to anyone I dont personally know. I was a big offender of this. I wish I could have back the time I spent on dead-end dating when my children were little (my husband left me when my little ones were 3 years, 9 and 12). A long time ago I heard that things just evolve naturally if you let them and I rather believe in that. Have you changed your point of view? I think its safe to say if your goal is to date the President of Bolivia or a Victorias Secret model, thats unrealistic. With time and painful experiences, we all risk building up varying degrees of bitterness and becomingdefended. Ive been single for 13 years. Because I have kids. Its not the same. I couldnt get a very beautiful woman to notice me. Usually these ugly people with high IQ are ugly because they are smarter and know there is little value in living a life of material, and invest in what makes them happy- not what they are told makes them happy. Yep..I Agree..if you find someone great..I just am annoyed that those same people acting like something is wrong with me or Im lying when I say Im happy being single are the same ones calling mewhining and complaining about their spouse and sneaking around on them or wanting to cheat emotionally or physically and I just laughIm the crazy one?..Why put yourself through that?what are you trying to prove?..I always think. She claims to my old friends she had too many booze that night. This inner coach offers self-soothing words, Just stay in tonight and relax. People do so much to tick me off on a daily basis, in fact my head would explode if I tried. It is a comprehensive test that can be used for girls or guys and for all ages, adults or teenagers. People that are attractive are easier to love, but once that beauty is gone, good luck. I think fear is often confused with disinterest because people like making others seem vulnerable, so they must be fearful of something. It is about time that someone admitted that looks initially causes someone to be attracted to someone else. I have been single my whole life . Hit the nail on the head! I miss dating and talking with guys and I really want a relationship. The truth of it all is we need someone we can be patient with for the rest of your life, and they, remain patient with you, its love that allows for patience when we are at our worst, love that will hold your tongue when your anger lets it slip, love will convict you on the things youve said in the heat of an argument, and love that will keep the passion as the age weathers us all.. Love patience understanding all come with age. I am a single mum and been single since my pregnancy. No blaming other things, building the walls. The language and culture barriers are pretty huge for me. Many people have been hurt and have put up defenses. My ex and I broke up when my daughter was 3. I am 34. It can feel harder to take risks or put themselves out there. I have found that just I need to get better and change. I'm A Nice Guy Why Am I Single; What's Wrong With Me - Reasons Why You Are Still Single, Explanations When it comes to dating, there are many approaches, strategies, variables, constraints, preferences, deal-breakers and philosophies out there. So go out there, put your ego aside, and meet someone. We enjoy the company of single people who are relaxed and in a good mood, and we can all relate to the attraction of positivityboth socially and often even physically. My cousin was very extremely lucky when he met his wife over 50 years ago when he met her at a dance at that time, and they got married in 1972 in October. You just want a perfect girl (naari) to drop on to your lap without moving a muscle. I ask men like why I only get the men that just want to be friends with benefits. Nowadays is way harder, you have to search a lot and have to have college education and possible extra master degrees in order to beat competition. She liked dogs more then people it was a major scapegoat she used to keep herself from dealing with reality and facing problems. Just the opposite. Love in the old days was very real, and today women are very independent which is why love is very difficult to find for so many of us single guys still looking. Maybe they are right. Im 39, soon to be 40. I dont know if youre being serious here, but have you at least read the article till the end? Not even a glance. And my last relationship was horrible that I am questioning is love and relationships are really worth it. While all her friends were getting serious with . Just the thought of growing old all alone really bothers me, especially being a single man that doesnt even have children to fall back on either which makes it worse. Economically the world had improved by then, and I managed to secure some bridging finance for some properties for myself, I could afford to rent them to pay the finance, but I was still absolutely too broke to live away from my parents, and I was broke personally even living here, and I mean really, the business was growing, I was buying more property, but cash flow wise, I could be really broke, so I didnt go out or do anything, you know because sometimes I couldnt afford my dinner (literally not figuratively), When you cant eat, when you lie awake at night worrying about your business, worrying about everything, you forget to care about women, and how you used to advise people on this stuff, and what anyone will think, you forget the whole world and you close your blog down without warningIm proud and obviously I would never explain this stuff to anyone I knew. I know to be independent from this. Or too anti self esteem, it just burrows deeper until I have no idea what to do. And even if it is fear, fear protects. Yea he does loves you.and surely he does. Im a 27 year old female and am in a similar situation. You're Obsessed With One Person Who Doesn't Want You 9. My 83 year old mother has had friends who have died in the 80s that havent ever had a relationship with any man. If I could find a woman who can stand on her own two feet and wants to be in a relationship not because she needs one, I think its work out. I wanted the divorce. After 35 years on this planet, Ive learned that is up to me to be proactive in search of my own happiness. Why cant men and women just Accept one another for who they are anymore? Imagine this, if fear of being single is not present, the whole structure of religion, family, economy (developed to provide jobs and feeding family) will collapse. Im dating someone. We are our worst enemy. Its #5 and #6 for me, like it probably is for a lot of guys that get forgotten by these relationship articles because no one wants to write about some loser that is never attractive to the opposite sex. Yes! I feel that they have no sympathy and no compassion for me. Asking a single person why they are still single is doubly insulting. Thanks for your comment! I dress well, put myself out there, but never get so much as a phone number. I am 38 and single. Here is an odd question for you: have you ever heard the question: do single individuals ever have the thought that they might be homosexual? Some stay single to pursue higher education or jobs that will prevent them from focusing on a relationship. That implies you have options. i dont know why ,i fell sad sometimes . Nobody should be passive and submissive in a relationship, so I dont get why youre only addressing men here. Nobody loves me, I dont know what the problem is. One of my brothers recently informed me I was too old to find someone which made me hopping mad. 8 Reasons You Might Still Be Single | Psychology Today Its funny how you hear people say things like oh all men are dogs, oh all women are bitches, Yet at the end of the day your furry canine friend is the most well-behaved and loyal being on the planet. As he noted, you cant fulfill the top of the pyramid (education is part of it) without fulfilling the bottom of the pyramid (Love, self-esteem, effection, belonging, etc). I gave up on love in July 2009 when my exboyfriend dumped me and I got that dumped because I was too Catholic for him. I would encourage you to find a Bible online or in print and read Genesis 1-11 (history of the world), Psalm 139, and the book of Johnthe fourth book of the New Testament. TOO WELL and I have always been right about someone Ive called a gang stalker. NEWSMAX Thursday, July 20, 2023 | John Bachman - Facebook It says: " I don't take dating seriously enough to tell you anything about me.". You stay single because you havent met the right woman/man yet. Its about who will accept you and unless youre in this position you really wouldnt understand. I really tried to change from a serial monogamist (with a few playboy periods in between LTRs of course) to a husband/father role and it ended very badly. I am 18years of age and I have never had a boyfriend.My former classmates used to tease me because of me never having a boyfriend but concentric on my studies only. Well dating sites out there make it very tough for us good men looking looking for a good woman to connect with, since many times women will show you what there picture is suppose to look like which it never is. I cant vent to colleagues at work because they are mostly women and they gossip, the males I work with are all married and they just dont listen. Maybe society needs to introduce robot women then men could ask anything they wanted from them the heart of a woman doesnt seem to matter anyway. Many of us have been adored or been at least somewhat privileged because of the way we look. You left that one out. Id love to chat about teaching there. I moved across country about 7 months before the covid hit, to a retirement community I hoped might make it easier to meet someone closer to my age. Some people seem to use it as a shield or an excuse for their bad behavior. Exactly the same Im also dealing with in life. She should feel lucky and happy. Now that Im happy alone and cant have children, why disrupt my nice life for no good reason? In the beginning we did have something special going but now it has deteriorated due to my lying manipulation and other dumb things I have done to anger her. Many of you women nowadays just Dont know how to Commit to just One man anymore and like dating different men all the time, so it is hard for many of us men that are very seriously looking to settle down since most women just like to go out and party all the time. YES , totally agree Roger , at 59 still single but found better not happier to be alone than being in a few in a few bad relationships I had . Hi Al, Hi friends You state the truth with no apprehensions. Looking for any further suggestions as I would really like to settle down and be a happily married man in a long term relationship. I struggle with being single at my age while refusing to accept the choice that I have made. I really hate being a virgin. sounds like you didnt like a few of your inner truths put in your face. The second guy on that same dating site, he was a nerd who was open minded, smart and likes to go on adventures (three things i am looking for in a guy), after a few dates, we learned how much more we have in common and what we want in life, its almost exact And today is our third month anniversary and we are already thinking/planning ahead, anyways Staying open is one of the most important things we can do when looking for a loving partner. So, obviously I dont come off as a creep or theyd be more aggressive and shoot me down hard, right? Rather than destroying our anscestors, Adam and Eve, for good, God made a promise that He would destroy crush the serpents head. He did this when he came in the flesh, lived a sinless life, died for sinners, was buried, and rose again on the third day, making it possible for men to be forgivenfrom Adam down to you and methrough Jesus. Finding love today unfortunately for many of us men is like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and most single women dont even want a relationship anymore today as well. It has taken me 30 some years to get to be ok with my station in life. It wasnt until I was in my 40s that I realized my abusive, nasty mother (who clearly hated me as well as my father) was a prescription drug addict, likely with mental health problems. by Louise Jackson Last Updated June 19, 2023, 12:01 am Are you still single at 40? There are a lot who stay single for personal choices that are valid. A lot of us had no choice but to become independent; how else are you supposed to survive when your family disowns you and leaves you in another state? Ive been hurt so much that its really hard for me to trust anyone. (You are better off taking your time or making sure its what you want rather than jumping into a relationship so others dont think you are weird.) Why I never married when I was young: I believe mostly due to the horrible marriage of my parents which made me afraid of marriage. I guess beauty is skin deep. I am only 17 and am by no means dying for a relationship but i was begining to think that there may be smothing wrong with me. And no, this wasnt some sort of outdated doctrine that was imposed on me by my peers as so many in my generation assume. Raising my son is an adventure for me, and I guess thats why I am still single My son is now in university and a full scholar of our city government. I would also go swimming in the backyard pool. You bypass him, yet he makes you laugh. Than after years of no-where relationships and one night stands and or medical problems, single, is really all their is. People feel this peculiar need to defend their choices for being single, for staying single, and, worse yet, they actually seem aggravated because their reasons for being single were either not mentioned here or not emphasized enough to their liking. And sometimes if we look real closely we might find we have higher expectations for our partners than we do for ourselves! I have to combat my mental illness. Clearly, some people are single because they choose to be. Ill be in my mid 40s by then, and it wont mage a difference; everything about me is a red flag to decent, educated men. 4. Richardson tells Elite Daily that if your goal is to find someone who brings more happiness and positive vibes into your world, it's tough work. I get social needs met from friends, family of origin, and my church. There could be other reasons, like men arent attracted to strong, independent women, or women seek out the bad boys (and so nice guys stay single), or people WANT to stay single, or maybe someone is living in the wrong community and if they move somewhere else this could immediately change for them. 1. Its just how it goes sometimes. Maybe I just dont get women. For me, I t was . And as I get older my anxiety gets worse and worse. Im a tomboy, so I like a lot of things that guys like: sporting events, concerts, movies. Drink water? And connecting with the right person for us is very Difficult for us right now, especially for us Good men looking for a Good woman to settle down with. We all carry flaws, and these vulnerabilities are especially apparent when getting close to one another.